You think about the memories. You wonder, why do I miss him so? Your mind starts playing tricks on you, no matter how unpleasant the relationship, your mind will only let you focus on the “good times”. So it’s an illusion, what your missing is the dream. It’s a trap.
In my own life, I’ve played the game of “break-up” many times. Do you ever ask yourself, if things are so bad, I’m so miserable when I’m with him, why do I so long to be back with him when we are apart? How do you get over the pain, the temptation of calling him? You want to make it right between you, you want to make a mends. But, deep down inside, you know that you are so much better without him. You are so much happier without him in your life, but for so many years you’ve associated your happiness, your future with him. We loved them not as they were, but the way we wanted them to be. We loved them for their potential, what we saw they could be. This is what kept us there throughout all the pain, this is what keeps you longing for him even after the break up. Realize, your not missing anything. Most likely he will never become who you want him to be, not to you, or not in his next relationship. An abusive relationship will never work no matter how much time and trouble you sacrifice. The damage is irreversible.
So how do you stop the longing to call him, how do you stop the pain your feeling without him? First you have to recognize that anxiety and excitement are often mistaken for one another, especially when people are blinded by longing and lust. Both raise your blood pressure and fuddle your thoughts so you can hardly concentrate, making it vitally important for you to know the difference if what you seek is grown-up, real and authentic love. So what your actually feeling is not hurt and heartbreak from love, but anxiety and stress from fear. Do you fear being alone, especially when your not sure of who you are without him? Do you fear not being with him when he’s provided you with what you thought was security? Do you fear that maybe there won’t be another after him? You have to be honest with yourself and your feelings, that means recognizing and paying attention to yourself and your feelings. That means that the time your spending thinking about what “was”, think about what really “is”, especially in you. Think about who you really are. Invest time in you, getting to know you, loving you. Know that breaking up with him, this time especially, was the best thing for you, whether you’ve offended him or not, “let it go”!
Saying goodbye is really about letting go. It’s about letting go of relationships, letting go of people. It’s about welcoming a new day, and saying good bye to the old day. It’s about growth. It’s about you learning to be happy, it’s about you learning to love yourself. So in the end, as in the word’s of a song, “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” but your happiness is well worth it!
